MAILEE TO LAYLEE: MAILEE BAG #3

When she’s not collecting Pagies or rescuing imprisoned Beettalion bees, Laylee spends her downtime watching cartoons and sleeping. Unbeknownst to her, Trowzer had been intercepting her fan mail, hoping to nab Birthday cards filled with wads of cash. The stack of mail was, somehow, the only thing to survive Trowzer’s barbeque. 

Since then, Laylee has been steadily working through the letters and writing back to her adoring fans…

#1 Dear Laylee,

This might be something that probably no one else has ever thought of, but I felt like it was an interesting subject to think of.

If you and Yooka were stuck in a sort of “survival horror” type situation (like say getting locked in a mansion crawling with sorts of zombies, failed experiments and overall crimes against nature, or lost in a fog-ridden town with supernatural anomalies that can make monsters and warp reality to bring out your inner demons, or just simply being hunted down by the most resilient pair of maniacs carrying giant pairs of scissors), how would you go about it?

Matthew

Dear Matthew,

I’ve witnessed way scarier things than zombies and fog.

Did you know that there are “staff” toilets in Hivory Towers? We unwittingly wandered into one. Until you’ve seen a Corplet spread-legged over a toilet bowl you don’t know true horror. I’m not sure what surprised me more; the fact that Capital B provided a place for his workforce to drop turds, or the size of the one that came out of that Corplet.

But to get back to your question, Matthew. If I were forced into a scenario where I had to deal with silly monsters and mummies, I’d enlist the help of Dr Puzz. She’d be able to transform us into something even scarier, like a Council Tax bill or a really big bear.

#2 Dear Laylee,

My condolences for having to endure the Buddy Bubble. Is Yooka normally such a gas bag, or is that move the only time you have to put up with it?

A Tubbz sympathizer

Dear A Tubbz sympathizer,

I’ve imposed a farting ban, so Yooka knows better than to let one rip in my presence unless it’s to save us both from drowning.

#3 Dear Laylee,

If someone made a TV show about you and Yooka, what would it be about? Would it be a high-stakes action show, or something more like a sitcom where the two of you get into hilarious situations?

Tess

Dear Tess,

I would play the part of a famous writer who lives in a prestigious city. I’d have a reputation for wearing expensive shoes and having a very specific and complicated coffee order. Yooka would eventually become my intern, after beating out another candidate, Clara, who literally fell to pieces under the immense pressure of being in my presence. The janitor (Trowzer) had to come in and sweep up her bones.

The show would follow my success, with Yooka providing comic relief as he fails to live up to my expectations. Would you tune in, Tess?

#4 Dear Laylee,

I have always been fond of the Fact that you are a Bat and would naturally assume that you are too.
But my question is if Dr Puzz. could turn you into any animal you wanted to be what would you choose?

Also, can you tell Yooka that his Tail is really annoying to draw?

Yours Truly,

M4L (Chris)

Dear M4L (Chris),

It’s hard to pick one animal, so I’ll give you my top three!

  • Male peacock

Objectively the most stylish creature in the room, always.

  • Chameleon

I want to swap roles with Yooka. Laylee the chameleon and Yooka the bat. 

  • Albatross

Who doesn’t want to be a really big bird? I was tempted to choose a seagull as they’re great at staling chips, but wingspan won out.

I’ve let Yooka know that you hate his tail. He made a sad noise.

#5 Dear Laylee,

When you and Yooka were sun tanning at the beginning of your first game, what were you thinking about?

Jake

Dear Jake,

I was thinking that there’s something magical and weird about flowers opening and closing. Photosynthesis is a fascinating concept. If you think about it, plants are feeding on starlight; they’re perpetually reaching up toward outer space. Perhaps that beanstalk was onto something? What is it about starlight that plants like so much?

#6 Dear Laylee,

One of my greatest gaming memories is playing Yooka-Laylee with my fiance in the evenings after work. We will be married on May 30th. You and Yooka have been good friends for a long time – do you have any advice on how to keep a long-term relationship running smoothly?

Richard Jordan

Capital B: I’LL TAKE THIS ONE.

Well Richard,
luckily for you, marriage is exactly like a business. I’ll assume you have all pre-merger agreements locked down and arranged overwhelmingly in your favour for when you outsource and bring in a new non-executive Director in due course. Once you’ve completed the hostile negotiations on the day unscathed, then you must immediately take up golf to maximise your efficiency! You’ll have a single place to network with other like-minded business folk. There you can exchange growth strategies and discuss work-force management (and resource sharing if you’re into that sort of thing). Periodically and ONLY on your own terms, report to the stock market or in-laws that everything is going well and insist they need to further inject investment funds into the business at the earliest opportunity.
If at any point you feel the business is not getting the support from them that it deserves, sell to the highest or stupidest bidder and move on to the next business plan. remember F.F.F.O (fail fast, fail often) is a motto I once read on my ‘Business advice of the day’ loo roll and in that regard I’m doing great.

fINEST REGARDS,

Capital B.

 

If you would like to send Laylee some Mailee, drop her a line at Laylee[at]Playtonicgames.com, and if you’re lucky, she will write back to you.