Mailee to Laylee: Mailee bag #1

When she’s not collecting Pagies or rescuing imprisoned Beettalion bees, Laylee spends her downtime watching cartoons and sleeping. Unbeknownst to her, Trowzer had been intercepting her fan mail, hoping to nab Birthday cards filled with wads of cash. The stack of mail was, somehow, the only thing to survive Trowzer’s barbeque. 

Since then, Laylee has been steadily working through the letters and writing back to her adoring fans…

#1 Dear Laylee,

I have a crush on u, sorry. Laylee more like lovelee cuz ur so betiful..!!! I love ur purple ears… Echolocate me pls so we can b 2gether. Pls respond.


Dear Luke,

Your letter was painful to read and lowered my Grammarly score by 22 points. I’ll never echolocate with you, or anyone else who replaces words with numbers. It’s not two thousand and five anymore.

#2 Dear Laylee,

What’s it like working with Yooka? Do you two get along well most of the time?


Dear Josh,

I like Yooka I suppose, but we don’t “work” together – nobody pays me. Is he earning money from our adventures? I could use a bit of cash for more online subscription services. YOOKA!


#3 Dear Laylee,

Can you teach me how to draw a dragon?


Dear 7opher,

How’s this?


#4 Dear Laylee

What would be the best gift for you on a first date? I’m on a budget so please nothing expensive! Lot’s of love xx


Dear Dance1211,

What sort of budget are we talking? If you’re thinking about buying me a packet of crackers or something you can forget it. I want a diamond-encrusted throne that slots onto Yooka’s head. If you have any change left over, a sceptre would be nice too.


#5 Dear Laylee,

In Yooka-Laylee Racing, would you prefer to ride by yourself or let Yooka do all the work as always?


Dear Keven,

If you think Yooka does all the work, you haven’t been paying attention! He can’t even spin without me. Besides, wings are superior to wheels – sharing a vehicle with Yooka would only hold me back.


#6 Dear Laylee!

What’s your favourite Donkey Kong Country game?


Dear Thomas,

Donkey Kong Country 2! It’s the best one. I really like the fireworks in Target Terror and the noise Click-Clacks make when they die. Yooka looks a bit like a Kremling when he hasn’t had enough sleep.


#7 Yo-Laylee,

What time zone is Shipwreck Creek located in? I ask not because I want to stalk you, but because I want to know what you’re doing right now and, really, at all hours of the day relative to my own schedule. Now, I realize that sounds like I’m stalking you, but it’s nothing upsetting like that. It’s just a desire to know precisely when you wake up, when you eat lunch, and when you’re hanging yourself upside down for the night. Also, when do you like to take a shower? I like to take my shower in the morning.

P.S. I like controlling your wings

Hyle Russell from off of DK Vine

Dear Hyle Russell from off of DK Vine

SWCT (Shipwreck Creek Time) obviously! Didn’t you learn anything in school? Your maths teacher did a good job at least, as you’ve found the perfect formula for being an absolute fool. You’re the square root of stupid. I haven’t taken my shower anywhere because it isn’t portable. Do you shower with a hose, slush-brain?


If you would like to send Laylee some Mailee, drop her a line at Laylee[at], and if you’re lucky, she will write back to you.